Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Lean on me (because I'm scared)

I'm gonna be real with y'all* for a second, okay?

I depend upon others way too much.

I have given up the opportunity to do something pretty fun because I didn't have someone to go with. And by that I mean I was overcome with chronic teenage-wolf-pack-mentality, AKA I was too afraid to do something without a buddy.

Pathetic? Not really, at least not in my opinion, because as a high-schooler I have this unwavering need to be a part of something. Even though I like to think I have enough self-confidence to fly me to the moon, most days I barely have enough to get out of bed. That being said, having someone to walk with in the hallways or eat lunch with can make life a heck of a lot easier.

So, every now and then when that security blanket of companionship isn't guaranteed I cower! And I ruin really great opportunities! Imagine that!!!

Now I know, I know I should not let others actions dictate my own. I'm working on it. But, it takes me a long time to get around to doing things (e.g. I STILL have yet to see The Fault in our Stars)

Oh well, all great things must simmer, not boil*.

from Hannah,
with love


*It's the southerner in me talking, I'm sorry
*I made that saying up but it sounds pretty good, huh?

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Do whatever you love

I have always been the kind of person who does things out of necessity. Or to please someone else, and maybe that is because of the way I was raised? To always understand the biggest goal is to be successful. And to be successful I have to go to college, to go to college (with an honorable scholarship) I have to graduate in the top 10 of my high school class, to graduate in the top 10 I have to study... so on and so forth.

Lately, I have been figuring out what it is that I really want to do with my life (besides being a style icon, of course). Oddly enough some of the "necessary" activities I partake in have NOTHING to do with what I love to do. But, let's say I stop doing these things such as being president of a club (for smart kids), there will be speculation! From high school kids, no less! The same kids whose highest ambition in life is getting at least 30 likes on their latest selfie.

Most of the time I feel like people put me in a box without even checking to see that I am precious cargo! I need to be handled with care and one layer of bubble wrap will just not do. And when I ask my friends what they thought of me when we first met it is always one word: smart. I am never funny, fashionable, kind and definitely not cool. So every few months I feel the need to do something different or scandalous (is eating graham crackers in the middle of English a scandal?). But it usually ends in my frustration with myself. Like: why can't I be? Or, why didn't I? 

So the moral of the story is kids: DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, because you will never live a full life if you try to live someone elses. K? K.

Sorry it took me so long to get to that.

from Hannah,
with love