Dear friend,
I don't have all that much to say, and I promised myself that I would not bother you with meaningless words. But have you ever felt that you are at the in between? Not quite anywhere in particular. I have a lot of exciting things going on. I have even impressed myself. The doctors said I am going to be fine, and I know their right. School is great. But, something's not right. I very well could be borrowing trouble but in church they said that blessings can't come without some amount of conflict. I don't have any conflicts now, but it's not like I've never had any. I am content. I don't hear a lot of people say that. It's either "happy" or "sad". In between isn't a feeling, I guess. But friend, for now, it feels pretty good. Also, I am really loving the Heathers The Musical album. But I know, I know life can be beautiful. And I have become a bit more of an activist of social issues (in my head, at least). Life is good. I am content.
from Hannah, with love
xoxo
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Chinese Restaurants and Babysitting
Dear friend,
How are you? Remember last time when I said I was not going to be so selfish? Well, I did a totally unselfish thing this week: I babysat! I know, I know at my age I should be a pro, a babysitter extraordinaire! I mean I did read all of "The Babysitter's Club" series... Now, this was a special occasion because I had a day off from school and instead of lounging around the house watching Netflix, I reheated food he refused to eat and begged a child to "please, just take a nap". I can't complain though: he was well-behaved.
The other night I went out to my favorite Chinese restaurant and the fortune my cookie bestowed was SPOT ON! It read: "The time is right to make new friends." Ain't that the truth!? I would never dream of replacing you, dearest friend of mine. But you and I both know our Friday nights are pretty lame. I am tired of our pity parties, as well. Gone are the days of overhearing our so-called "crew" having bonfires without us! I mean would it kill them to at least not talk about it in front of us? Good friends wouldn't do that... I have also been pondering vegetarianism, much to my families chagrin. I am just fed up with some stuff I have been eating and I thought "well why not just rid myself of meat?". Don't worry, I am doing this in baby steps this upcoming week. Wish me luck!
from Hannah,
with love
xoxo
How are you? Remember last time when I said I was not going to be so selfish? Well, I did a totally unselfish thing this week: I babysat! I know, I know at my age I should be a pro, a babysitter extraordinaire! I mean I did read all of "The Babysitter's Club" series... Now, this was a special occasion because I had a day off from school and instead of lounging around the house watching Netflix, I reheated food he refused to eat and begged a child to "please, just take a nap". I can't complain though: he was well-behaved.
The other night I went out to my favorite Chinese restaurant and the fortune my cookie bestowed was SPOT ON! It read: "The time is right to make new friends." Ain't that the truth!? I would never dream of replacing you, dearest friend of mine. But you and I both know our Friday nights are pretty lame. I am tired of our pity parties, as well. Gone are the days of overhearing our so-called "crew" having bonfires without us! I mean would it kill them to at least not talk about it in front of us? Good friends wouldn't do that... I have also been pondering vegetarianism, much to my families chagrin. I am just fed up with some stuff I have been eating and I thought "well why not just rid myself of meat?". Don't worry, I am doing this in baby steps this upcoming week. Wish me luck!
from Hannah,
with love
xoxo
Saturday, November 1, 2014
22 days too long
Dear friend,
It has taken me 22 days to feel motivated enough to get on here and tell you how I feel. Maybe because I have not felt intensely for anything lately. Or because I could not be bothered to do so. I have been met with a tidal wave of school stress though and with that I have not been feeling like anything I would say on here would be worthwhile. I had to go to the doctor and now I have to go to the big doctors and that is a bit scary and daunting, but it is nothing major. I have been growing up and swallowing my pride. Maybe even realizing that everything I so desire will not show up on my doorstep in a nicely packaged UPS box just because I want it. I still seem to struggle with friends and finding ones who want to spend time with me. And this whole week I have been thinking "when will it be my turn?" . Every one is growing up and doing the things that (I assume) one does when you come of age. I guess I am a late bloomer.
Right now I need to focus on the things I can control, which is writing. I'm good at that.
from Hannah,
with love
xoxo
It has taken me 22 days to feel motivated enough to get on here and tell you how I feel. Maybe because I have not felt intensely for anything lately. Or because I could not be bothered to do so. I have been met with a tidal wave of school stress though and with that I have not been feeling like anything I would say on here would be worthwhile. I had to go to the doctor and now I have to go to the big doctors and that is a bit scary and daunting, but it is nothing major. I have been growing up and swallowing my pride. Maybe even realizing that everything I so desire will not show up on my doorstep in a nicely packaged UPS box just because I want it. I still seem to struggle with friends and finding ones who want to spend time with me. And this whole week I have been thinking "when will it be my turn?" . Every one is growing up and doing the things that (I assume) one does when you come of age. I guess I am a late bloomer.
Right now I need to focus on the things I can control, which is writing. I'm good at that.
from Hannah,
with love
xoxo
Thursday, October 9, 2014
HOCO?
It is story time chicos and chicas, gather round!
HOMECOMING IS UPON US! It is in the air, the internet and it might even interrupt your lunch for a minute or two with its "WILL YOU GO TO HOCO?" posters.
I have a friend, whom we'll call Ali for reasons, K? Well, Ali is attending homecoming. And one day she posed a question, she asked me if I thought [description on nice dress that sounds cute] seemed "slutty".
I'm going to pause for a second to say that this question was problematic and because of my opinion of the word no matter what she said I would have said it sounded "beautiful and you should go for it".
Ali seemed concerned by this "but what if people think its too revealing?" she was afraid of judgement from others. This concerned me, hadn't she read my previous blog post about this exact thing? Was she not enlightened by my wisdom? No. Mostly because this thing is something no one I know personally knows about, and also because I seldom express my opinions on such things.
That day, however, I expressed.
"Slutty? What does that even mean, Ali? The only opinion that matters is your own. If it makes you feel good then that's what matters. Not the opinions of people who do not matter! Wear the dress!"
So I implore all of you to wear the dress! Go to the dance! It is as cheesy and awkward as it seems on TV but it is also a wonderful memory! I went last year and I am still cringing and smiling about the whole thing!
What did we learn today girls and boys?
'Slutty' is a word we ought not use and go to the dance even if no one asks you?
Exactly!
from Hannah,
with love
xo
P.S. I have a very cool post coming up early next week so get excited!!!
HOMECOMING IS UPON US! It is in the air, the internet and it might even interrupt your lunch for a minute or two with its "WILL YOU GO TO HOCO?" posters.
I have a friend, whom we'll call Ali for reasons, K? Well, Ali is attending homecoming. And one day she posed a question, she asked me if I thought [description on nice dress that sounds cute] seemed "slutty".
I'm going to pause for a second to say that this question was problematic and because of my opinion of the word no matter what she said I would have said it sounded "beautiful and you should go for it".
Ali seemed concerned by this "but what if people think its too revealing?" she was afraid of judgement from others. This concerned me, hadn't she read my previous blog post about this exact thing? Was she not enlightened by my wisdom? No. Mostly because this thing is something no one I know personally knows about, and also because I seldom express my opinions on such things.
That day, however, I expressed.
"Slutty? What does that even mean, Ali? The only opinion that matters is your own. If it makes you feel good then that's what matters. Not the opinions of people who do not matter! Wear the dress!"
So I implore all of you to wear the dress! Go to the dance! It is as cheesy and awkward as it seems on TV but it is also a wonderful memory! I went last year and I am still cringing and smiling about the whole thing!
What did we learn today girls and boys?
'Slutty' is a word we ought not use and go to the dance even if no one asks you?
Exactly!
from Hannah,
with love
xo
P.S. I have a very cool post coming up early next week so get excited!!!
Monday, September 29, 2014
OH I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY (I think)
So you may (or may not) have been wondering what I have been up to for the past week or so. To be brief I have been thinking up my own theories about high school parties... Of course this has taken countless (4, tops) hours of grueling and slightly awkward research. I am now ready to report my findings:
Teenagers are confused/confusing.
That's it! Right there! The answer to questions that have kept countless philosophers up at night.
My "research", however was simply me attending two very different sweet sixteen birthday parties. I was perplexed by how strange my friends and I are when we are put into a situation where we can either shine or disappear in the crowd.
Not picking up what I am putting down? I'll break it down for you...
ACT I
The girl has entered the room. She notices the decor and quickly feel under dressed. However, looking to her left she realizes they all look the same. This causes her to fall into an even deeper pit of worry. Are there boys here? Besides the ones who barely see me as a girl? There are indeed boys there, the girl HANNAH does not know this yet.
*ELLIE: I like your dress Hannah.
HANNAH: Thanks! I like yours too..
This exchange is shrouded in lies. ELLIE does quite like her dress, but feels insecure about her own. HANNAH believes she does not actually like it and is only being polite, this makes her feel insecure.
The scene changes to a table setting. There are 7 tables set up in the area and HANNAH is sitting at one with other people. It has turned to dusk at the affair and all parties involved are beginning to become restless. The waitress keeps coming around with the same things! No one wants to be the first to get up to get what they really want, and heaven forbid lose a seat! People are sitting down and thus, picking territory. HANNAH is overcome with concern. Oh no!, she thinks, am I not good enough to sit with? This game of musical chairs ensues in the upcoming hours, but is never truly resolved.
...
ACT 2
HANNAH has been communicating furiously with outside parties. They are ready at a moments notice to retrieve her but she keeps telling them she is fine. She has begun to have fun! There is dancing. But, there is a dilemma. 3 BOYS have appeared. They make this process of enjoyment much more complicated. They are watching and choosing. She has begun to dance at the fringe of the circle.
Much is going on inside the circle that HANNAH is not comfortable with. BOYS look on. And...
*SANDRA: Come on Hannah! Let's dance!
HANNAH: Okay
She begins to do so at the first sign of a line dance. Most everyone joins in. Young and old alike! Everyone is joyous, the guest of honor is pleased.
Much more dancing occurs and some do not like it. HANNAH is having a good time but cannot seem to get the thought of the being watched by the 3 BOYS out of her head. This makes her feel energized. She is conscious of her every move, in the hopes that she will attract a BOY. There is one in particular that has seems to be every girls object of affection.
More music plays and just the right song comes on! EVERYONE runs to the dance floor. The DJ feels proud, as do the BOYS. They finally find the courage to break into this intricate circle. The girls begin to chant encouragements. A LUCKY GIRL gets the chance to dance with a BOY. They are quite close... HANNAH suddenly becomes aware of the grown-ups in the room. The BOYS begin to search for other girls to dance with. Some peoples advances are rejected on either side. HANNAH does not seem bothered by the lack of interest in her. She dances anyway. The BOYS become picky and reject all advances. The party is dying out and many people begin speaking about church the next day. HANNAH is finally ready to depart.
HANNAH leaves the affair feeling excited, hungry and confused/confusing.
Did that make any sense to you? Because it made ZERO sense to me!
Comment and tell me what you thought.
from Hannah,
with love
xo
P.S.- *means there name has been changed, for obvious reasons
Teenagers are confused/confusing.
That's it! Right there! The answer to questions that have kept countless philosophers up at night.
My "research", however was simply me attending two very different sweet sixteen birthday parties. I was perplexed by how strange my friends and I are when we are put into a situation where we can either shine or disappear in the crowd.
Not picking up what I am putting down? I'll break it down for you...
ACT I
The girl has entered the room. She notices the decor and quickly feel under dressed. However, looking to her left she realizes they all look the same. This causes her to fall into an even deeper pit of worry. Are there boys here? Besides the ones who barely see me as a girl? There are indeed boys there, the girl HANNAH does not know this yet.
*ELLIE: I like your dress Hannah.
HANNAH: Thanks! I like yours too..
This exchange is shrouded in lies. ELLIE does quite like her dress, but feels insecure about her own. HANNAH believes she does not actually like it and is only being polite, this makes her feel insecure.
The scene changes to a table setting. There are 7 tables set up in the area and HANNAH is sitting at one with other people. It has turned to dusk at the affair and all parties involved are beginning to become restless. The waitress keeps coming around with the same things! No one wants to be the first to get up to get what they really want, and heaven forbid lose a seat! People are sitting down and thus, picking territory. HANNAH is overcome with concern. Oh no!, she thinks, am I not good enough to sit with? This game of musical chairs ensues in the upcoming hours, but is never truly resolved.
...
ACT 2
HANNAH has been communicating furiously with outside parties. They are ready at a moments notice to retrieve her but she keeps telling them she is fine. She has begun to have fun! There is dancing. But, there is a dilemma. 3 BOYS have appeared. They make this process of enjoyment much more complicated. They are watching and choosing. She has begun to dance at the fringe of the circle.
Much is going on inside the circle that HANNAH is not comfortable with. BOYS look on. And...
*SANDRA: Come on Hannah! Let's dance!
HANNAH: Okay
She begins to do so at the first sign of a line dance. Most everyone joins in. Young and old alike! Everyone is joyous, the guest of honor is pleased.
Much more dancing occurs and some do not like it. HANNAH is having a good time but cannot seem to get the thought of the being watched by the 3 BOYS out of her head. This makes her feel energized. She is conscious of her every move, in the hopes that she will attract a BOY. There is one in particular that has seems to be every girls object of affection.
More music plays and just the right song comes on! EVERYONE runs to the dance floor. The DJ feels proud, as do the BOYS. They finally find the courage to break into this intricate circle. The girls begin to chant encouragements. A LUCKY GIRL gets the chance to dance with a BOY. They are quite close... HANNAH suddenly becomes aware of the grown-ups in the room. The BOYS begin to search for other girls to dance with. Some peoples advances are rejected on either side. HANNAH does not seem bothered by the lack of interest in her. She dances anyway. The BOYS become picky and reject all advances. The party is dying out and many people begin speaking about church the next day. HANNAH is finally ready to depart.
HANNAH leaves the affair feeling excited, hungry and confused/confusing.
Did that make any sense to you? Because it made ZERO sense to me!
Comment and tell me what you thought.
from Hannah,
with love
xo
P.S.- *means there name has been changed, for obvious reasons
Friday, September 19, 2014
My best friends are my enemies???
So I didn't post anything earlier in the week because I was in a frenzy of school elections, homework overload and a fly thing.
What fly thing, you ask? Well it seems that my school has been overrun with these tiny black insects. Subsequently, they have been keeping the rooms extra chilly this week to help this problem. And such chilly rooms (and my lack of a jacket one morning as I waited for the bus) have led me to have a cold! Infact as I write this I am sniffling, snotting and other less than pleasant adjectives.
Still, I press on. This week has presented me with that hard-learned lesson of "these girls ain't loyal" because as of late, these girls ain't loyal. Now, I am not one to be anti-female (as I am one myself) but I am slowly realizing that girls of my age are not for each other...There isn't a sense of sisterhood and certainly no traveling pants!
I mean is it that ridiculous to think that girls that I have rooted for since the day I met them would be honest and upfront with me? I am starting to think that it is better to assume that Caesar's will always have a Brutus who are ready to go in for the kill...
ON A LIGHTER NOTE... I didn't win my election and I am more thank okay with that, because I will have more time to do things that I want to do.
And I'm not bitter, I promise.
No honestly though, I need to focus on my writing and reaching a goal that I set two years ago.
AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME NOW, I'M ON THE MOVE!
I also am going to post some photography on here... what do you think? Let me know in the comments, I wanna conversate with all of you!
from Hannah,
with love
xo
What fly thing, you ask? Well it seems that my school has been overrun with these tiny black insects. Subsequently, they have been keeping the rooms extra chilly this week to help this problem. And such chilly rooms (and my lack of a jacket one morning as I waited for the bus) have led me to have a cold! Infact as I write this I am sniffling, snotting and other less than pleasant adjectives.
Still, I press on. This week has presented me with that hard-learned lesson of "these girls ain't loyal" because as of late, these girls ain't loyal. Now, I am not one to be anti-female (as I am one myself) but I am slowly realizing that girls of my age are not for each other...There isn't a sense of sisterhood and certainly no traveling pants!
I mean is it that ridiculous to think that girls that I have rooted for since the day I met them would be honest and upfront with me? I am starting to think that it is better to assume that Caesar's will always have a Brutus who are ready to go in for the kill...
ON A LIGHTER NOTE... I didn't win my election and I am more thank okay with that, because I will have more time to do things that I want to do.
And I'm not bitter, I promise.
No honestly though, I need to focus on my writing and reaching a goal that I set two years ago.
AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME NOW, I'M ON THE MOVE!
I also am going to post some photography on here... what do you think? Let me know in the comments, I wanna conversate with all of you!
from Hannah,
with love
xo
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Lean on me (because I'm scared)
I'm gonna be real with y'all* for a second, okay?
I depend upon others way too much.
I have given up the opportunity to do something pretty fun because I didn't have someone to go with. And by that I mean I was overcome with chronic teenage-wolf-pack-mentality, AKA I was too afraid to do something without a buddy.
Pathetic? Not really, at least not in my opinion, because as a high-schooler I have this unwavering need to be a part of something. Even though I like to think I have enough self-confidence to fly me to the moon, most days I barely have enough to get out of bed. That being said, having someone to walk with in the hallways or eat lunch with can make life a heck of a lot easier.
So, every now and then when that security blanket of companionship isn't guaranteed I cower! And I ruin really great opportunities! Imagine that!!!
Now I know, I know I should not let others actions dictate my own. I'm working on it. But, it takes me a long time to get around to doing things (e.g. I STILL have yet to see The Fault in our Stars)
Oh well, all great things must simmer, not boil*.
from Hannah,
with love
xo
*It's the southerner in me talking, I'm sorry
*I made that saying up but it sounds pretty good, huh?
I depend upon others way too much.
I have given up the opportunity to do something pretty fun because I didn't have someone to go with. And by that I mean I was overcome with chronic teenage-wolf-pack-mentality, AKA I was too afraid to do something without a buddy.
Pathetic? Not really, at least not in my opinion, because as a high-schooler I have this unwavering need to be a part of something. Even though I like to think I have enough self-confidence to fly me to the moon, most days I barely have enough to get out of bed. That being said, having someone to walk with in the hallways or eat lunch with can make life a heck of a lot easier.
So, every now and then when that security blanket of companionship isn't guaranteed I cower! And I ruin really great opportunities! Imagine that!!!
Now I know, I know I should not let others actions dictate my own. I'm working on it. But, it takes me a long time to get around to doing things (e.g. I STILL have yet to see The Fault in our Stars)
Oh well, all great things must simmer, not boil*.
from Hannah,
with love
xo
*It's the southerner in me talking, I'm sorry
*I made that saying up but it sounds pretty good, huh?
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Do whatever you love
I have always been the kind of person who does things out of necessity. Or to please someone else, and maybe that is because of the way I was raised? To always understand the biggest goal is to be successful. And to be successful I have to go to college, to go to college (with an honorable scholarship) I have to graduate in the top 10 of my high school class, to graduate in the top 10 I have to study... so on and so forth.
Lately, I have been figuring out what it is that I really want to do with my life (besides being a style icon, of course). Oddly enough some of the "necessary" activities I partake in have NOTHING to do with what I love to do. But, let's say I stop doing these things such as being president of a club (for smart kids), there will be speculation! From high school kids, no less! The same kids whose highest ambition in life is getting at least 30 likes on their latest selfie.
Most of the time I feel like people put me in a box without even checking to see that I am precious cargo! I need to be handled with care and one layer of bubble wrap will just not do. And when I ask my friends what they thought of me when we first met it is always one word: smart. I am never funny, fashionable, kind and definitely not cool. So every few months I feel the need to do something different or scandalous (is eating graham crackers in the middle of English a scandal?). But it usually ends in my frustration with myself. Like: why can't I be? Or, why didn't I?
So the moral of the story is kids: DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, because you will never live a full life if you try to live someone elses. K? K.
Sorry it took me so long to get to that.
from Hannah,
with love
xo
Lately, I have been figuring out what it is that I really want to do with my life (besides being a style icon, of course). Oddly enough some of the "necessary" activities I partake in have NOTHING to do with what I love to do. But, let's say I stop doing these things such as being president of a club (for smart kids), there will be speculation! From high school kids, no less! The same kids whose highest ambition in life is getting at least 30 likes on their latest selfie.
Most of the time I feel like people put me in a box without even checking to see that I am precious cargo! I need to be handled with care and one layer of bubble wrap will just not do. And when I ask my friends what they thought of me when we first met it is always one word: smart. I am never funny, fashionable, kind and definitely not cool. So every few months I feel the need to do something different or scandalous (is eating graham crackers in the middle of English a scandal?). But it usually ends in my frustration with myself. Like: why can't I be? Or, why didn't I?
So the moral of the story is kids: DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, because you will never live a full life if you try to live someone elses. K? K.
Sorry it took me so long to get to that.
from Hannah,
with love
xo
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Um, hi?
Well, I would be lying if I said that I wasn't neglecting this thing. And that almost five months of not doing something consistently that is important to you may not be a bright idea. But as my mother always says, practice your craft! Don't quit! Don't stop believin'! Hold on to that feeelllliiinnn'!
But as of late, I've been embarking on this wondrous journey called school. That of which encourages its students to be social and do things outside of staying home in sweatpants and contemplating what to wear the next day. And, under my duress of wanting to be a sociable mariposa, I joined activities. And much to my happy surprise, I've made friends. I have also learned that you cannot trust some people with your confidences, but that opening up and being yourself is a fabulous way to live!
And I realized that whenever I am upset with the world life I write it out. And then I realized that this corner of the interwebs is mine, and I can write in it!
Yeah so I am going to be more consistent. Because I have so many ideas that I need to get out of my head. And I love doing this. So, yeah.
Hannah, xo
P.S- This is the start of something beautiful, I can tell.
But as of late, I've been embarking on this wondrous journey called school. That of which encourages its students to be social and do things outside of staying home in sweatpants and contemplating what to wear the next day. And, under my duress of wanting to be a sociable mariposa, I joined activities. And much to my happy surprise, I've made friends. I have also learned that you cannot trust some people with your confidences, but that opening up and being yourself is a fabulous way to live!
And I realized that whenever I am upset with the world life I write it out. And then I realized that this corner of the interwebs is mine, and I can write in it!
Yeah so I am going to be more consistent. Because I have so many ideas that I need to get out of my head. And I love doing this. So, yeah.
Hannah, xo
P.S- This is the start of something beautiful, I can tell.
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